Tuesday, 10 December 2013

The Twelve Days of Christmas: My True Love Doesn't Think It Through


In the popular song, there is no line to denote that the item you receive is in addition to the previous days so it must be assumed each verse contains everything sent to you on that day.

So, if the song is to believed, by the end of the Christmas period, your true love will have sent to you:

12 Partridges in Pear Trees
22 Turtle Doves
30 French Hens
36 Calling Birds (whatever they are)
40 Gold Rings
42 Geese a Laying
42 Swans a Swimming
40 Maids a Milking
36 Ladies Dancing
30 Lords a Leaping
22 Pipers Piping
12 Drummers Drumming

Now presumably the gold rings are given so that you can finance the new menagerie you’ll need to build for your newly acquired collection of birds (you’ll also need a lake for your swans).
And with the 40 milk maids now in your employ presumably they will come with at least 40 cows. At least in this case your true love has provided you with a steady source of income once you have purchased the farm land you’ll need for them.
Are the ladies dancing the whole time? Problematic given the musical entertainment doesn’t arriving until day 11 and even then its only pipe music. At least the drummers on day twelve can add a bit of beat to the proceedings.
The Lords are perhaps most interesting. Not only does your true love have to gather together 30 Lords to send to you over 3 days (what sort of Lords are these anyway?) they have to specifically be Lords who like to do a lot of leaping.

All in all, I think I’d rather just have the gold rings.


Monday, 2 December 2013

Ode to Donald Gennaro


A poem about a minor character in the 'Jurassic Park' movie who left a big impact:

Ode to Donald Gennaro


When first we saw you
Floating in on a raft,
We knew you were a man of money.
A blood-sucking lawyer was your craft.

You protect the assets of the rich
But also thought of the poor,
Offering them a coupon
That they might enjoy the tour.

You knew the value of things,
Never would you slack.
If something was expensive,
You’d better put it back.

Never did you bring so much joy
As you did in your death.
Eaten on the toilet
By a Tyrannosaurus Rex.