The great thing about the IMDB Bottom 100 is that it is constantly in
flux. I went through the Bottom 100 a few years ago but the list has changed
dramatically since then.
I thought maybe I should watch some other films that have now entered
the Bottom 100. Then I saw it, sitting at number 63 (as of 07/02/2019), Superman IV. It was providence. Why?
Because Superman IV: The Quest for Peace was
the first film I ever saw at the cinema.
Superman, we all know about him, don’t we? The original superhero. The
last son of Krypton who has been around for over 80 years. His popularity has
gone through peaks and troughs but he is undeniably an enduring figure.
In 1978, he got his own movie starring Christopher Reeves (this was not
the first feature-length Superman movie however, that honour goes to 1951’s Superman and the Mole Men) in the
titular role. Dodgy flying scene with Lois Lane aside, the film was a massive
success. That was followed up by the superior sequel Superman II with the awesome General Zod.
That’s when it started to go wrong for the franchise. Superman III was distinctly
underwhelming despite Richard Pryors best efforts and lacked a good villain.
Christopher Reeves was said to be getting tired of putting his
underwear on the outside (he turned down a cameo in the Supergirl movie) and producers Alexander and Ilya Salkind had had
their fill of Superman. Enter Cannon Films to buy the rights.
Cannon have a reputation for making lots and lots of very bad films for
not very much money and mostly stuff nobody has ever heard of. Though in their
defence they did also make Highlander,
Masters of the Universe and Bloodsport
(not much of a defence I admit).
They did manage to keep the old crew together: Reeves (who has a
writing credit), Gene Hackman back as Lex Luthor, Margot Kidder (Lois Lane),
even Jimmy Olsen and Perry White were back (only in small roles though). Sidney
Furie was in the Director’s chair, his most notable previous work being The Ipcress File. What could go wrong?
Right from the opening credits, you can see it is already going wrong.
The graphics are cheap, really cheap. If this was a student film project, it
might be acceptable but not for a supposedly major picture production.
Our pre-amble has Clark Kent (and if you don’t know who he really is,
God help you) is selling his old family farm but will only sell to a real
farmer. That’s not important though as its never mentioned again and it’s just
an excuse for Clark to pick up a macguffin that becomes important later on.
Back in Metropolis, Lois gets on a subway train causing the driver to
have a sudden bout of death. Superman saves the day. Oh, and the driver has a
miraculous recovery.
This gets us to the Daily Planet office which has come under the
control of new owner Mr Warfield (Sam Wanamaker). I can’t say for sure if he’s
based on anyone in particular but his vision for the Planet is to make it more
tabloid, sensationalist and titillating. This is all too much for editor Perry
White who resigns. Mr Warfield describes Lois as a ‘useless’ writer. Much has
been said of the Lois Lane character over the years but in Universe at least,
she is a Pulitzer Prize winner. Why would you want one of those on your staff?
He also brings his daughter Lacey on board who is a new love interest but
for Clark and not Superman. You can get why women would fall instantly for
Superman but not so much for bumbling, clutz Clark Kent. Which is a testament
to how well Christopher Reeves plays the character (how could someone like that
be Superman?) but a detriment to the film as a whole as its hard to see what
the instant attraction is for Lacey.
The main plot than wades into proceedings. There has been a world peace
conference on nuclear arms and it went badly. So badly in fact that the major
powers are increasing production. A small boy who has been watching the news in
class (like always happens in schools) writes a letter to Superman asking him
to get rid of the world’s nuclear weapons. This creates a crisis of conscience
for the Man of Steel as he has been forbidden by the Old Kryptonians to
interfere in Earth’s politics. This is a bit like the Prime Directive in Star
Trek (the Federation isn’t supposed to interact with less advanced races) and
is only ever brought up so it can immediately be broken. Supes takes all the
worlds nuclear weapons and hurls them into the Sun. Because who’s going to stop
him?
In the real world, there would be questions about Superman’s unilateral
decision to rid the world of all nuclear weapons. If you are Israel for
example, arguably the only reason you haven’t been overran by your enemies on
all sides is your nuclear deterrent.
But Wait! Superman has been duped. Lex Luthor, the Greatest Criminal
Mind of our Age, Ruler of Australia has escaped prison with help from his
none-too-bright nephew Lenny (Jon Cryer). He has stolen a strand of Superman’s
hair and put it on one of the nuclear missiles. This is all so he can make a
clone of Superman, born from the Sun. Enter Nuclear Man. Though as a clone he
doesn’t make a lot of sense: he doesn’t look like Superman and has Gene Hackman’s
voice. Actor Mark Pillow must have been really bad. From what I can tell, his
only other acting work was in a German TV series shortly after this and has
never done anything else since.
It's not long before Supes and Nuclear Man go at it, in a battle that
goes all over the world. They destroy and rebuild the Great Wall of China; some
top notch model work for an erupting volcano the Doctor Who special effects team in the 70’s would have been proud
of and moving the Statue of Liberty (but putting it back again). Nuclear Man
beats Superman by giving him a scratch. For realises. I think he’s supposed to
have radiation poisoning. I’m not sure radiation would actually have an effect
on Superman but lets go with it.
Clark lays low for a couple weeks to recuperate with the Macguffin he
got at the start. Lois turns up to give him Superman’s cape which I believe is
supposed to imply she knows Clark’s real identity.
The second battle between Nuclear Man and Superman happens after
Nuclear Man sees a picture of Lacey Warfield and becomes instantly obsessed
with her. Superman cuts him off outside the Planet building and tells us he’ll
never have her, which he couldn’t possibly know because he hadn’t said anything
about her and the only reason the audience knows is because we saw him looking
at a picture of her.
This fight is special as they fight on the moon, an obvious dummy of
Superman is bashed into the surface. Lacey is brought into space as apparently
air isn’t something humans need. Superman moves the moon’s orbit (which I’m
sure would do some ecological damage) and defeats Nuclear Man by dumping him
inside a nuclear reactor, which I’m certain wouldn’t work. He was born in the
Sun, already a giant ball of atomic energy.
Perry White buys back the Planet and Superman gives a Cold War speech
(think Rocky IV).
The good: Christopher Reeves. He had the perfect balance as goofy Clark
Kent and serious Superman. Even in a mediocre film such as this that shines
through. And Gene Hackman. His Lex Luthor was always too goofy to take
seriously but even so, his interactions with Reeves are always a highlight. And
John Williams score is still there.
The bad: everything else. Silly story, silly supporting characters. A
shall we say, liberal approach to science and the way the world works. Bad
special effects. And I’ve never particularly liked Margot Kidder’s Lois Lane.
A poor film but as my first cinematic experience, Superman IV will always have a special place in my heart.
