IMDB Bottom 100: Number 15 - Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2

Number 15: Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004)

Wow, what an incredible movie.

When I looked at its IMDB page I was shocked when I saw it hadn’t won any Oscars. This film was released in theatres on 27^th August 2004 but the Best Film award at the 2005 awards was given to Million Dollar Baby. And Baby Geniuses 2 wasn’t even nominated. What a disgrace, the Academy should be ashamed. Million Dollar Baby indeed with its coherent story, focus on characterisation and good acting.

I just hope Clint Eastwood done the decent thing and handed back all his awards, he knows he doesn't deserve them.

But seriously, this film sucks. Everything about it is wrong, just look at the title it's the wrong way round. Conventional film titling is you put the franchise name before the subtitle, so it should be called Baby Geniuses 2: Superbabies. If they can't even get that right, what hope for the rest of it?

I am just grateful this is the only one in the series I have to watch, there are actually 5 Baby Genius films but all with different casts of babies in them. Because babies are unreliable as actors with their habit of getting older all the time. It is a problem in this film as well as sometimes the babies are noticeably bigger in some scenes than in others.

The whole thinking behind these films though is crass in its simplicity. I can imagine the production meeting:

Big Producer Man: So, any ideas?

Assistant #1: Well, our research shows people are quite fond of babies.

Big Producer Man: Really? Whatever for? They just cry, shit and piss a lot.

Assistant #1: People think they’re cute.

Assistant #2: And Rugrats was very successful for Nickelodeon.

Big Producer Man: We can exploit this. Let’s put babies on screen for 90minutes and make a film around it. And we’ll ‘borrow’ the idea of babies talking to each other. We got anything else?

Assistant #2: Well, Clint Eastwood has submitted us a script about an old boxing trainer who reluctantly takes a young woman under his wing.

Big Producer Man: Like that would ever be successful. No, brainless baby movies it is.

And that’s how it happened.

The ‘story’ here is something about a mind control pulse, a legendary child who protects the world’s children but is actually 70, babies get superpowers and the least emotional reunion between a mother and son ever captured on film.

To be honest, I was trying not to pay too much attention because I was scared my brain cells would melt if I did.

So yeah, it’s pretty bad.

IMDB Bottom 100: Number 16 - Humshakals

Number 16: Humshakals (2014)

Interesting thing about this one.

When I first downloaded The List this one was simply titled ‘Doublegangers’. I have to track these films down so I can watch them and a title like that will bring up some, interesting results. And not ones I particularly want on my search history.

Luckily, this isn’t a Premier League footballer’s favourite fetish movie but actually a more innocent Bollywood movie about lookalikes, which presumably should have been ‘Doppelgangers’ but was mistranslated to a more suggestive title.

I almost wish it was a porno as at least that would be easier to explain and this one makes my head spin just thinking about it.

Primarily set in London, there’s billionaire Ashok (Saif Ali Khan) aided by his best friend Kumar (Ritesh Deshmukh) who dreams of being a stand-up comedian. Unfortunately, he sucks. I think I’ve spotted one of his problems though, he’s telling jokes in Hindi to a mainly white, British audience. British people won't even learn French, no way will they learn an Indian language fluently to the point of understanding set-up and punchline.

He has a problem though in the form of his Uncle Kans who wants to take over the family business so creates a drug that makes Ashok and Kumar temporarily think they’re dogs. Just go with it. This gets them put in a mental hospital and allows Kans to take control of the business. If you’re hoping this plays out like One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, you will be sorely disappointed.

This is where it gets complicated, two genuine loons are also in the hospital who look identical (well they should, they are the same actors) and are also called Ashok and Kumar. Thanks to a mix-up so obvious they might as well have put a massive sign saying ‘IDENTITY CONFUSION HAPPENS NOW’ as the loons are released with the real Ashok and Kumar staying in the hospital. In a sense, they done exactly that with a snippet of song saying that’s exactly what happens.

The loons are picked up and brought to the real Ashok’s mansion, which they think is all part of a popular reality show where ordinary people are allowed to live like millionaires for a week. Trust me, it makes sense in the film. Sort of.

The real Ashok and Kumar meanwhile are trying to deal with the hospital warden, who is really subtly portrayed as being a cruel, dictator figure. Not really, they put him in an SS uniform and he refers to Adolf Hitler as ‘Uncle’. Yes, he really does.

They do find out their Uncle Kans is responsible for their incarceration but more incredibly, there is a lookalike of their Uncle in the hospital too.

And this is where I tune out. Various schemes are planned up to regain control of the company, lots of identity confusion where it’s hard to keep tabs of who is the real one and who is the duplicate. A third set of duplicates are added (triplicates?) because two sets of each character wasn’t enough. There’s a Prince Charles lookalike. Except it’s the real Prince Charles. If he was a cockney.

It all works out in the end.

I’ve tried to condense this down to just the key plot points but there is so much going on here. I haven’t mentioned the trio of beautiful ladies who are the love interests of the film, the drug dealer responsible for loony Ashok and Kumar being put in the asylum to begin with, one of the lookalikes severe OCD issues. I haven’t mentioned any of the “hilarious” scenes the director Sajid Khan (whom from what I can tell has a reputation for being a bit of a hack) thought would sell the movie. The warden’s torture method of making inmates watch Himmatwala…hey, hey, hey, hey! No spoilers! That one’s for later.

The music videos are actually a welcome break in this film, they gave me a chance to sort out what was happening in the film in my head. Though one of the songs as far as I can tell was all about creating a personal ring tone. Deep stuff.

I need to stop now. My head hurts thinking about it all. So many questions of identity. I mean, am I really me?

I don’t know anymore.