Number 36: The Class (2007)
I was nearly caught out by this one as it turns out there
are two films released in 2007 that IMDB has listed as titled ‘The Class’.
The first one was an Estonian film about bullying but I was
tipped off when I saw the film had an 8.0 rating. It’s possible there was a
massive spike in its rating but it didn’t seem likely.
The film I actually had to watch comes from Turkey and
though it is still set in a school (sort of), somehow I don’t think it’s going to have
the same quality as its Estonian counterpart.
Its original title in Turkish is Çilgin Dersane which actually translates as ‘Cool School’ but
for some reason is listed as The Class
on IMDB. Confusing.
It’s a high school comedy but not set in a high school, not
really anyway. It’s a school in so much as they have lessons but the school is
on the beach. Which sounds great in the summer but would probably be awful in
the winter.
And the film just goes on and on and on. It should have been
75-80 minutes long at most but instead it drags on for two hours. As bad as the
American Pie sequels and spin-offs
might have been, at least they didn’t take the piss like whatever this films
name is. They knew when to end the suffering.
I’d like to tell you the story of this but in order to do
that there needs to actually be a story to begin with. What you have here is
the usual high jinks you’d expect in teen comedy: pranks, horny teens and
nudity. And a party on the beach. Every night. Repeat ad nauseum.
All the usual stereotypes you’d expect are all present and
correct: the jock, the nerd, the shy one, the fat one, the Mean Girls, the
goofy one. Not much to say about any of them beyond that. There are so many
characters involved it’s hard to keep track of any individual storylines going
on.
A plot threatens to come in at the end when they enter a
competition to save their ‘school’ from closure. The events are an odd bunch. I
understand the sports events, the University Challenge style quiz and the
talent show events but I don’t understand the catwalk modelling contest. I have
no idea how that is done competitively. As long as you don’t fall on your arse,
I’d say you did a good job. It’s like Olympic dressage, I have absolutely no
idea what makes it good or even better than the other competitors.
They win the contest by winning a five a-side football match
which I find quite amusing as looking at the score board they use it appears
they play a full 90 minutes.
They lose a couple events but overall they win the contest
quite easily. And they do it all fairly too. Maybe I’m just hardwired to expect
these things but I thought there would have been just a bit of cheating going
on and they certainly come across as a group who would try and gain an unfair
advantage. I am actually disappointed in them, shame on you for not cheating.
Another party on the beach to take us out.
Too long, too many characters and bad jokes. But apparently
this was one of Turkish cinemas highest grossing films of 2007. Oh yeah, there are four sequels to this movie. Sort yourselves
out, Turkey.
To think, if I hadn’t spotted my mistake I could have been
watching a good film. One from Estonia, so would have still needed some
subtitles but a good film none the less.
But I don’t get to watch good films anymore.
Number 35: Anne B Real (2003)
Yo, Yo, Yo, Yo. Check it:
A bad movie review,
Coming right to you
Straight from the Bad Movie HQ.
Anne B Real
Right from the Streets
Dropping the bad movie beats.
That's enough rapping from me.
I should address the elephant in the room straight off the
bat, Eminem’s movie 8 Mile came out
one year before this, so are there similarities? Well in both films the main
character lives in a poor neighbourhood, they write lyrics as a form of escape,
they need to overcome their lack of self-belief and the film ends with a rap
battle. The only real difference is the main characters gender.
But 8 Mile sits a
respectable 790 in the IMDB charts while Anne
B. Real is in the bottom 100 out of approximately 270,000+ films, is it
really Eminem’s popularity alone creating such a disparity?
The makers had the self-awareness to realise the comparisons
would inevitably be made so used it in their marketing. The tagline for the
film is ‘Anne Frank meets 8 Mile’.
Let’s put 8 Mile
to the side a moment and address the Anne Frank part of that. If you are
unaware, Anne Frank was a Jewish Dutch girl who hid from the Nazi’s during
World War II, kept a diary of her experiences and became an inspiration to
millions around the world. How her story parallels with writing rap lyrics is
not immediately obvious.
Anne B. Real has
its fans, it won critical awards. Only minor ones admittedly but awards none
the less, so critics seem to have liked it. So, it’s the audiences who seem to
have given it the thumbs down.
Anne, real name Cynthia, lives in the ghetto and it’s like
every Spike Lee movie you ever saw. She’s dirt poor and her brother Juan is a
career criminal. Cynthia writes lyrics, which Juan sells on to a rapper called
Deuce, who is trying to get a record deal. He’s a fraud who can’t write any of
his own material and has no freestyling ability.
I said this film was like a Spike Lee movie but the more I
think about it, Anne B. Real is more
like a Mike Leigh movie because for the first 70 minutes or so nothing really
happens. Some people like that snail pace style, others find it insipid and
boring. It’s when Cynthia’s best friend is accidentally killed because of Juan
that it gets semi-interesting.
This gives Cynthia the kick she needs. She sets up Juan to
be arrested and then goes to take down Deuce in the rap battle. After a
mini-choke, she shows the phoney rapper up for what he is.
I’m not really sure why she’s so angry Deuce has been using
her lyrics, as she knew her brother was selling them on. What did she think he
was doing them?
Not much else to it. Oh yeah, Anne Frank. Cynthia has a copy
of her diary which she takes quotes from occasionally. Inspiring sure but their
two stories don’t mesh.
Everything in the film seems cliché. The characters are so stereotypical and have no real personality to them. If you watch The Wire, then compare the well-drawn characters
from the projects to the ones in Anne B.
Real and you’ll realise it’s like comparing a Ferrari to a Robin Reliant.
It’s no contest.
It’s not the worst film I’ve seen so far to be fair to it,
it’s just ‘meh’. And that’s the problem, it’s all a bit too ‘meh’ and you can’t
get excited about it. The big climax has no heat to it because you have no idea
what she’s supposed to be so angry about. Put alongside the focus of 8 Mile and there is no doubting which is the superior film.
Look out for Ernie Hudson though (aka Winston Zedmore). And
remember how good Ghostbusters is.
Because it’s good to be reminded great films exist.
Peace out.
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