Number 20: Pledge This! (2006)
Trailer link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iyefc0vJwj4
I’ve been trying to think how to best tackle this review of
the 2006 Paris Hilton film about a group of awkward outsiders who want to join
a bitchy sorority and I think the best way to go about it is this:
THIS FILM IS HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE! HORRIBLE I TELL
YOU! HORRIBLE IS TOO SMALL A WORD TO DO JUSTICE TO THIS CATASTROPHE OF A MOVIE.
RIGHT FROM ITS GAUDY OPENING CREDITS TO ITS STUPID FOODFIGHT
ENDING, I WANTED TO SCOOP MY EYES OUT WITH A RUSTY SPOON.
PARIS HILTON, WHO REMINDS ME OF A GIRAFFE BY THE WAY, HAS NO
BUSINESS BEING IN MOVIES. LUCKILY HER ‘CHARACTER’ IS JUST PARIS HILTON SO SHE
DOESN’T EXACTLY HAVE TO STRETCH HERSELF. SHE SHOULD STICK TO WHAT SHE DOES BEST
WHICH FROM WHAT I CAN TELL IS STANDING AROUND BEING RICH. HER CHARACTER, WHO IS
CLEARLY THE VILLAIN, DOESN’T EVEN GET HER COME-UPPANCE AT THE END (SORRY,
SPOILER BUT IF YOU CHOOSE TO WATCH THIS AFTER MY WARNINGS FRANKLY YOU DESERVE
TO HAVE YOUR ‘ENTERTAINMENT’ RUINED). NO, SOMEHOW SHE EMERGES AS THE GODDAMN HERO FROM THIS ALL. IT'S OTHER PEOPLE MAKING HER BAD YOU SEE. SHITTY COP OUT ENDING BECAUSE WE CAN'T MAKE OUR STAR LOOK BAD CAN WE?
NATIONAL LAMPOON! NATIONAL LAMPOON WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?
REMEMBER THE GRISWALDS? THEY WERE FUNNY. SOMETIMES. ANIMAL HOUSE! OK, IT MIGHT
BE VIEWED AS SEXIST NOW BUT AT LEAST IT WAS ENTERTAINING WITH IT. IF NOT A
STAMP OF QUALITY, NATIONAL LAMPOON USED TO AT LEAST MEAN PASSABILITY.
OH AND FHM’S ENDORSEMENT OF THIS! ISN’T THAT JUST THE CHERRY
ON TOP OF THE CRAP FILLED CAKE. THEY’RE NOT A THING ANYMORE BUT THEY HELPED
PRODUCE THIS SO GOOD RIDDANCE TO THEM.
In short, I didn’t like it.
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