Number 94: Simon Sez (1999)
For some reason in the 1990’s, Hollywood producers got in
their heads that basketball players would make good movie stars. Because the
ability to hit a slam dunk is obviously transferrable to acting.
Michael Jordan had a go. Shaquille O’Neal went into movies,
video games and rap. He sucked at all three.
The star of Simon Sez is
Dennis Rodman, the original bad boy of the NBA. Rodman has a distinctive look
with his bleached hair and multiple piercings, he regularly courted controversy
throughout his NBA career. He carried on much the same after retirement becoming
good friends with North Korean leader Kim Jong-un.
Rodman won a Razzie Award for his role in the lead role of Simon Sez but to be fair to ‘The Worm’,
he’s not the worst thing in the film. Don't get me wrong, he is bad but at least he has some charisma about him. More offensive is Dane Cook as his goofy
sidekick, Nick. Dane Cook isn’t a much known figure outside the US and for that
we should all be grateful (unless you live in the US in which case, you have
our sympathies). He just gurns his way through every scene to the point Rodman’s
appearance actually becomes a blessed relief.
Simon Sez is a
spiritual successor to 1997 movie Double
Team, in which Rodman also starred with Jean Claude Van Damme. Unfortunately, the Van Daminator is nowhere
to be found here…wait, did I just write that?
Rodman plays Interpol agent Simon who has to foil a suitably
over the top terrorist’s plot to blow up the world’s monuments with a kidnapped
girl sub-plot. Simon is ‘assisted’ by CIA Agent Nick, the Cyber-Monks (two tech
guys who dress up as Monks and like to dance) and his ex-girlfriend, Dancer
(look out for an epilepsy inducing sex-scene).
So, the terrorists take over the world…of course they don’t,
the good guys kill the terrorists, save the world and our hero gets the girl.
There are some good action scenes and well done fight choreography
but you to have to put up with the ‘comic relief’ to get to it. Don’t expect
too much out of it and Simon Sez is
not too bad.
Number 93: Laserblast (1976)
As far as titles go, Laserblast
is pretty spot on. There’s a laser and it blasts. You can’t really argue
with that.
To sum up, an alien lands on earth pursued by another group of aliens but they leave one of their weapons behind . A teenage
boy finds the laser gun but it doesn’t work. Then he finds it power source, so
now he can blow stuff up and take revenge on everyone who ever done him wrong.
The more he uses the gun however, the more it begins to mutate his body and he
becomes more indiscriminate with his killing, until the aliens return to reclaim their property.
That all looks fairly interesting but truthfully, Laserblast is a fairly unremarkable film
with not much really going for it. There is a small role for Roddy McDowall and
the aliens look interesting, a sort of cross between our traditional idea of
aliens and a dinosaur.
The early to mid-70’s were not a great time for Sci-Fi with
not many major productions coming through and Planet of the Apes franchise getting worse with each sequel.
Luckily, by the time of this films release, Star
Wars was just one year away.
(these are from the list of IMDB bottom 100 as it was on 31st
August 2015)
No comments:
Post a Comment